Funny Shrek Quotes
All right, nobody move! I’ve got a dragon and I’m not afraid to use it. I’m a donkey on the edge.
Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t color-blind!
Don’t mess with me. I’m the stair master.
For your information, there’s a lot more to ogres than people think.
I ain’t gonna lie, you ARE ugly. But you only look like this at night, Shrek’s ugly 24/7.
I don’t have any toes! I think I need a hug.
I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something ’cause that’s one dazzling smile you got there!
I used to be afraid of the dark until… No, wait. I’m still afraid of the dark.
I’m not a puppet! I’m a real boy!
It is lovely! You know, you’re really quite a decorator.
Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?
NO! LAYERS! Onions have layers. OGRES have layers. Onions have layers… you get it. We both have layers.
Now hand over that big rock, the one that looks like your head.
Oh, for the love of Pete!
Parfaits are delicious!
Parfaits may probably be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet!
Some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make.
That’s right fool! Now I’m a flying talking donkey!
We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles!
Well, I have a bit of a confession to make: donkey’s don’t have layers. We were our fear right there on our sleeves.
WHY are you following me?
Wow! Only a TRUE friend would be that cruelly honest.
Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
You go in there and tell her how you feel.
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkeyfly!
Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
[Fiona looks at herself, and sees she is still an ogre]
Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful.
Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin’ pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talkin’ about the dragon, Shrek.
Donkey: Whoa, Shrek, did you do that? Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that, my mouth was open and everything!
Shrek: Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead!
Monsieur Hood: I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid…
Merry Men: What he’s basically saying is he likes to get.
Monsieur Hood: Paid!
Probably the most polite donkey in the world.
Magic Mirror: Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the Land of Fantasy. Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy. Just kiss her frozen, dead lips and find out what a live wire she is. Give it up for Snow White!
Shrek was fine – he just had an arrow in his butt.
Donkey would have preferred a parfait analogy.
Popular Quotes From Shrek
YOU’RE GOING THE RIGHT WAY FOR A SMACKED BOTTOM.”
A CUTE, BUTTON NOSE? THICK, WAVY LOCKS? TAUT, ROUND BUTTOCKS?”
IT’S ON MY TO-DO LIST!”
SOMEDAY, I WILL REPAY YOU. UNLESS, OF COURSE, I CAN’T FIND YOU OR IF I FORGET.”
I’M AN OGRE! YOU KNOW, ‘GRAB YOUR TORCH AND PITCHFORKS!’ DOESN’T THAT BOTHER YOU?”
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!?”
IT’S TIME TO PACK UP YOUR TOOTHBRUSH AND JAMMIES. YOU’RE THE NEW KING OF FAR FAR AWAY.”
LOOK AT HIM IN HIS WEE LI’L BOOTS! Y’KNOW, HOW MANY CATS CAN WEAR BOOTS? HONESTLY?”
THERE’S A STACK OF FRESHLY MADE WAFFLES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST! DON’T YOU FIND THAT A WEE BIT SUSPICIOUS?”
OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS.”
-Shrek Quote Onion